the power of human emotion

From the botanical garden in San Diego

Dear Tristan,

I can;t believe youv'e gone and killed yourself. I stopped breathing when i saw the subject line. RIP. what horrible letters. another genius ripped away. "This is no joke," it said, which only made me think, "Is this a joke?" These things never feel real. and especially not having seen you in so many years.

i'm re-reading the e-mail you sent me last July with purposeless tears. I had just told you of Fred's death (although that was old news) and you wrote, When I pass on, Fred will be one of the ten individuals I've met on earth who will flash before my eyes as having been truly exceptional. I just hope that, wherever he may be now, he's free of some of the torment that hounded him in this life. It's difficult being a genius, I suppose. Especially when you're in such short supply. I wish you didn't feel the need to perpetuate this problem. Why are the best amoung us so tortured? Has our society come down to "survival of the mediocore"?

It is true I did not know anything of your hardships. Your letter said Please, please write to me. and I did. I told you about Fred, and visiting with Lars, about how I recommend Barnyard to everyone and brag that I know you. I sent you my phone number. I asked if I could come visit you in Lancaster.

You never replied. and i was angry with you. After you said please, please and i got no response. In my head, i worked on another letter to you, that was to be a list of humorous reasons why you were ignoring me. i never sent it. i never thought to put on it: E. I am horribly depressed and thinking of comitting suicide. still, i wish i had made more of an effort. i lost my chance to see you again.

i know there is nothing i could have done or said. I have heard that you had a fiance and a beautiful little girl. you were not alone. now i can only hope that you and Fred are out there somewhere, scrapping and laughing, and causing all kinds of trouble. and I hope they do use your screenplay and turn your book into a movie. and I hope all the things that you have left behind are celebrated and appreciated, as they deserve to be.

you will not be forgotten, but held dear.

warmly, erica




On Tuesday, 17 May 2005, at 10 o'clock a celebration shall commence heralding the life of Tristan Egolf. The bachanalian revelry and libations galore will be held at the Chameleon in Lancaster, PA.

There will be a DJ spinning the classics and a microphone for anyone to relate their stories dreams memories about our friend, Tristan.

Spread the word.

For Directions:
www.chameleonclub.net

For more information or to send submissions from abroad contact:
michael@windmillsonline.us

or visit www.windmillsonline.us

An oldie, but a goodie. I created this photogram, which I always referred to as Sputnik, in 2000. I really loved making photograms and still hope to revisit this form of cameraless photography in the future.

(For Photo Friday)

Children seldom stay still. Here Tristan plays with an rusty cash register at the Old Coal Mine Museum in Madrid, NM.

for Photo Friday


More energetic boys in a dusty undergroung kiva

Looks like this is turning more and more into a photoblog. I have been taking so many picture, everything around me is so unfamiliar and interesting and Paul keeps taking me to lots of cool places. Someone just recently told me that photos of landscapes with no one in them are boring, so please forgive me if I start to lose your interest. It seems the days of heart ache and pain are over for a spell. I am feeling way too normal, but happy.

So on with it. Paul had business in San Diego last week and was kind enough to bring me along. I didn't go to any of the main tourist draws like SeaWorld or the the San Diego Zoo (captive animals are such sad desperate creatures). There was plenty else to see. We started by taking the trolley (I was shocked that no one collected your ticket there, as if everyone paid on the honor system) to Old Town. It was very cute there, complete with old tobacco shops. Surprised to find the Mexican food there was very plain and boring, especially compared to Santa Fe and all its yummy green chile.



Church in Old Town. notice the century plant on the right, which sends up its tall bloom only one in its lifetime.

Next we met up with one of Paul's collegues, Mike, who invited us up to his mountain-top house. He pointed to the highest peak in the distance. "Up there." I didn't quite believe it, but we climbed a long windy dirt road all the way up there.



The view. You could see both the Pacific ocean and Mexico from Mike's place.

I mentioned that I had never been to Mexico, so Mike and his girlfriend decided we should all drive down and have dinner there. The border was only 40 minutes away and before I knew it, we were in Tecate, Mexico. It was a small city, focused on locals, not tourists, which was nice. We had another fairly bland Mexican dinner at a local place and then walked around a bit while I happily snapped photos of the signs and approaching storm clouds.

















While Paul worked the
next day, I went to Balboa
Park and checked out the
museums. It was nice how
all of the many museums
(there must have been at
least 12) were built in the
same architectural style.
I saw a great show of Latin
potraiture at the Art Museum
and some fabulous photos of
"manufactured landscapes" by
Edward Burtynsky at
the Museum of Photographic Arts.

I had wanted most of all to go to the beach while I was there. I know how much I am going to miss the ocean being landlocked in New Mexico. It was cold though, the first two days we were in San Diego. Finally we got a nice day and headed to Jolla Beach (the pronunciation of this dumbfounded me, as I am still confused by J's that sound like H's and LL's that sound like Y's). It was one of the most beautiful beaches I had ever been to, although primarily for exploring and walking, and less for swimming.

These seals were really pretty close. There is a whole section of beach (originally created for children) that is closed to the public and used only for seal nesting.



There were little tide pools everywhere. The longer you spent looking into them the more hidden creatures you discovered.