the power of human emotion

This was a very nice cactus garden in Truth or Consequences, NM, complete with a two-story birdhouse. A big storm was blowing in and the sky suddenly got very dark. I stuggled without a tripod to try and get a shot in focus, but actually don't mind this soft one.

Not in a very good mood today. Feeling a bit dazed and zombified. Possibly because I got way too much sleep last night (9 1/2 hours?) or is it because I got hit by a car yesterday?

I feel like such an idiot. I was on my bike and technically it was the driver’s fault, but my own stupid choices made it happen. I was riding down a busy street with no -----, so I was on the sidewalk, and due to where I started, going in the opposite direction of traffic. I never ride my bike that way. So I had to cross a line of cars leaving a strip mall (really these are conditions I am not used to), I saw the driver couldn’t go because traffic was coming, so I rode in front of him, but tragically, at that moment, the car coming put its blinker on to turn into the mall, and the car waiting, not looking in my direction at all, simply went. I was only about ten inches from his bumper, so the impact was next to nothing, I softly hit the street and had a moment when I thought “whew, thank god I didn’t get hurt”, but then the driver didn’t stop moving forward, I was half beneath his car, my hand pressed against his bumper, trying to keep in front, my bike screeching along the street. It took about 10 feet for him to stop. Very scary. I am so lucky I didn’t get seriously hurt, just a few scrapes and bruises and a jammed wrist. My bike didn’t fare as well. Inoperable. We both had to be driven home by police cruiser. Geez, there is very little leg room back there, really, I am tiny and could barely fit. “Where’s your brain bucket?” the officer kept asking, lecturing me about the high numbers of reckless and drunk drivers in the area.

My phone died too. Cell phones are so dangerous, everyone’s number was stored on there, but never written down. I can’t call you and you can’t call me. Need to find out Paul’s home number now for sure. Thank God for email. But then again, damn internet is down here.

Did I tell you I feel horrible today? I’m afraid to do much of anything, thinking that after one horrible event, others are likely to occur.

So here I am. This path leads to my new home. How did I end up here? It all seems like a dream, like I sleep-walked here.

I'm sitting in the backyard, under the portal, typing on my sleek new aluminum ibook. I have been here for six days now, wandering from room to room, trying to convince myself i'm not just a visitor. It hasn't been long enough to feel like more than a vacation, but I've been unpacking my heap of boxes, even hung something on the wall.

How long will it take to feel permanent? Like I belong?

I was so exhausted for a few days. Even simple things are difficult. I don't know where things are kept in the house and I get lost every time I go out in my car. Got a map finally yesterday, which helps. I now know how to find Whole Foods, Home Depot, Best Buy and the dry cleaners. It's a start.







The house itself is wonderful and I am excited about having a whole house again and not just one small room to call my own. I love the adobe style and both the front and back yards are great with fruit-bearing trees and an unrully spreading patch of arugula. Notice the solar panels on top. The electric meter is spinning backwards right now. How cool is that? And gratefully, no matter how lost I get, I can always seem to find my way back home.





The walls have this incredibly smooth polished finish, I think it is called a diamond finish. Seems like it took someone an awful lot of rubbing and rubbing. Oh, and how I love all those curved corners and doorways.


Several beautiful skylights too, that make perfect abstract studies of light and shadow.



Lucy likes it here too, especially when she can finagle her way outside. Look how dirty she is from rolling around and around in the dirt.



Oh yes, and here are some more inhabitants, stoned on my Xbox. Much more to say here. I predict you will get sick of hearing about these three in the future.

I've neglected to write about so much I wanted to lately, for many complicated and/or silly reasons. Maybe I will get into that later, but in the meantime I am going to go back in time just long enough to post about my roadtrip from PA to NM. These will be earlier posts, in their place in time, so look back if you are interested.

Haven't gotten very far today. Just got into Tennesse. Having a dinner of mashed potatos and salad at a TGIFridays in Galinburg. Just went though the most bizarre area. All around are race tracks and water slides and all kinds of amusements, most resturants come with a comedy show or dinner theatre. Its like one big fun house. would love to come back here tripping. Dollywood is very nearby, but no time for that.

My day was delayed slightly due to car trouble. Took the Subaru to this guy "GOOBER" recommended by my waitress at the Wagon Wheel. When I got to his out of the way shop, there was a sign on the door, "on road call, be right back". well, people are not always right back when they say they will be, but I didn't have too many alternatives (continue on to the next town), so I told myself I would wait 15 minutes. He showed just as I was ready to leave, disconnected the belt and repositioned it in 10 minutes and only charged me five dollars! Goober was alright!

Most of the day was spent going through the Smoky Mountain National Park.




I entered the park through the Cherokee Indian Reservation. An odd little thriving tourist trap in the midst of miles and miles of empty fields and mountains. One of the many kitchy things you could do there, was "pan fer gold". Only, what you did was buy a bag of dirt with some stones hidden in it, dump it into a fake river, and then try to retrieve your booty with a sieve. The park itself was quite nice. More very windy roads, more mountain views. Still patches of snow near the top. I stopped and hiked along a section of the Appalacian Trail for a while. It was a beautiful trail (see pictures below), much nicer that the section I am used to in the Delaware Water Gap. Photography can really not do this trip justice. I pass a lot by as I am driving; beautiful views out the fron window and lots of odd towns. I always think of stopping, but don't, for really, I'd be stopping every 10 minutes. Of course, I keep thing of Gallo and the Brown Bunny, seeing the world alone, through a buggy windshield. The context is missing too in photogarphy. And our eyes make such amazing adjustments between dark and light areas. I can see so much that my camera can't. Again, I am sure there are things my camera sees that I don't.

Just crossed over into North Carolina. Everything everywhere seems so beautiful after being stuck in the city. Out the window of the dinner (i'm in the "Wagon Wheel"), I can see the mountains, blue sky, and all sorts of flowering trees. My waitress definitely has a southern accent and everyone in the place is overweight and eating breakfasts that come with several types of meat.

The car sounds bad. I'm not liking this at all. Looked under the hood and one of the belts seemed off center. The squeek is getting louder. Must find a mechanic to look at it. What happens if it snaps? Suddenly I have so many responsiblities. Granted they are things that a 31 year old should be able to handle, but its all new and scary for me.

Last night was pretty freaky too. It got dark fast and I was slowly winding my way along the Blue Ridge PKWY. It is a great picturesque road, but gets you nowhere.



(view of the smoky mountains from the Blue Ridge Parkway)

I had to find a place to stay, so I got off at the next exit (seems strange to call it this as the road was very small, one lane each way and I saw only a couple other cars). I was lost in the middle of nowhere, rural Virginia, on this very dark, very windy road. nothing was open at all. I would see a town on the map and when i would get there, it would be a few houses, with a gas station and country store, both closed. Finally found a place in Floyd. was completely exhausted. thought i would have time to take lots of photos, play my guitar, read a bit, on this trip, but its looking more like drive and sleep.

Grapes, cheese, crackers, and nuts for dinner tonight at this rest stop in Virginia. About an hour of Roanoke. Hope I have enough daylight left to get on the Blue Ridge Parkway for a bit. So sick of ugly interstates.

Sitting in a strip mall parking lot in some small town in West Virginia. have now driven 200 miles. left philly at around 10, it is now 2:30; not a fabulous pace, but I think i am doing well considering. Horribly hung over from Absolut and cranberries with Nicole last night and not much sleep either. Can't believe I was so paranoid about my thijgs fitting in my car. There is plenty of extra space. Up at 6 am. worry worry worry. Hope that i didn't leave anything important behind. already mental list: cat bowl, hair dryer, iron,

Had a yummy Morningstar veggie burger at a reststop Burger King for lunch. some guilt there, have not been to BK or McDonald's in years, It was good though. Do all BK's now serve them?

Such a pretty pretty day, but very windy. my car is getting blown all over the road. between my fear of driving, my hangover, and the wind, i am a bundle of nerves. very tense. took 76 west instead of 95 south. might be a longer trip, but I chose farmland over industry. Middle-PA was very nice to look at, am disappointed I never went to see LAncaster while I was nearby. crossed the Susquehanna River near Harrisburg and it seemed huge, almost overflowing because of all of the rain we just got. Thank god my trip didn't fall on those days of constant downpours!

must drive more and get at least to Roanoke tonight.

My mother and brother came down to Philadelphia to pick up some stuff I won’t be taking to Santa Fe. Its amazing how much stuff I have gotten rid of. Most of it meaningless, but there are always items that you regret. I will miss my ratty but beautiful old mahogany furniture. I sold my bed with the posts for 50 lousy bucks on Craigslist to a young Indian genomics postdoc. Hope she likes it. Bet the rest of her apartment is furnished in IKEA. I am just not an IKEA girl.

So mom took pictures of me and my bro. Aren’t too many of them around these days. How many times do I see him a year? Four? Five? And with me in NM, it will most likely only be once a year. Take ‘em while you can.





I thought these two were especially sweet. I wish we were closer, that we shared more, but my brother’s not a talker and neither am i. Of course he is just about to turn 18; he must see very little in common with his 31 year old sister. He did just tell me one secret, nothing too personal, but something he wouldn’t want his parents to know. It’s a start.